HULLTOON HERALD: Supporters Association launches tinfoil hat range

tinhatbrandedDundee FC Supporters Association have launched a range of branded tinfoil hats to mark the one-week anniversary of them writing to the Scottish FA alleging a top-level conspiracy involving referee Steven McLean.

The DSA, who believe McLean awarded Kilmarnock a controversial penalty at Dens Park because his dad once shared a Panini sticker with Killie boss Steve Clarke’s brother, will reinvest all proceeds from the range trying to uncover further evidence of plots against the Dark Blues.

In the context of Scottish football, tinfoil hates are commonly associated with the paranoia displayed by both sides of the Old Firm but the DSA now hope their approach will turn Dundee into the third force of persecution delusions.

“We need to find the truth that the mainstream media aren’t interested in,” said a DSA spokesman. “We want to investigate claims that Bobby Madden’s dad was in the Shimmy and that Willie Collum once downloaded Love Is In The Air. Want to know how high this goes? We believe SFA chief executive Ian Maxwell is actually Freddy van der Hoorn with a mask and fake weegie accent.

“The SFA clearly knows more than SFA about 9/11 and chemtrails may well be genetically targeted at Dundee supporters. We’re big anti-vaxxers. The MMR jab is designed to render Dees infertile. Buy our tinfoil hats and protect yourself from mind control while helping our quest for justice.”

tinfoil

The DSA spokesman confirmed that their letter to the SFA was written in green ink but refused to comment on speculation that they had embarked upon their campaign to divert attention from the failings of Neil McCann and the club’s board calling it “an outlandish conspiracy theory”.

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