HULLTOON HERALD: Dalai Lama ‘pisses himself’ at Imrie’s penalty

His Holiness The Dalai Lama has admitted that he fell to the floor laughing when he heard that rat-faced irritant Dougie Imrie missed the penalty that would have secured a point for Hamilton at Dens Park on Saturday.

With the relegation crunch match delicately poised at 1-0 referee Steven McLean pointed to the spot following a stupid substitution by Dundee manager Neil McCann.

Dundee fans could sense their side being pulled further into the mire only for stereotypical ned Imrie to make a complete cunt of the penalty.

It was a moment that brought no end of joy to the world’s top Buddhist and spiritual leader of the Tibetan.

“Karma’s a bitch, eh Dougie?” said The Dalai Lama yesterday. “In the Buddhist tradition, karma refers to action driven by intention which leads to future consequences. In this case that wee roaster is being punished for all those years of strutting around, acting the hard man and just generally getting on everyone tits. I nearly pissed my robes.

“Hamilton can get it right up them as well. 10-2? Good aine.”

Professor Glen Dingies, from the Institute of Futba Studies (IFS), said, “His Holiness’ intervention in Scottish football is unprecedented, although there has to be some doubt over how much the writer of this article actually understands karma.”

“Imrie is a prick though.”

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