The new Scotland away kit revealed this week is likely to be the last as “no one can be fucked with the national team anymore”, according to a well-placed SFA insider.
The yellow shirt, designed on classic lines, has generally been well received by fans and follows similar approval for the home shirt released last November, with some observers being moved to praise the national governing body for not making a howling cunt of things for a change.
Now, however, the Hulltoon Herald can reveal that both strips are set to become instant collectors’ items as the national team prepares to be wound up.
“We’re just fucking guggit, aren’t we?” said the SFA source. “Pubes were still fashionable the last time we qualified for a major championship. UEFA are total pricks but to be fair to them they expanded the Euros so shitey sides like ours could get in and we still couldn’t do it.
“The last qualifying campaign was brutal. Chris Martin. Grant Hanley. Thon Barry Bannon boy. Pumped in Slovakia and drawing at home to Lithuania. Fuck knows how we got a point in the last game as we took a bigger pounding in Slovenia than Melania Trump.
“No one understands this Nations League pish, but we’re confident it’s a load of shite that will cause even more disruption to the domestic season than the pointless friendlies do at the minute. No one can be fucked with it anymore.”
The insider confirmed that the recommended retail price of both home and away kits had been set at a level that ensures all potential financial value is extracted from the Tartan Army before it is disbanded.
“I can’t believe there are still punters prepared to shell out about a week’s wage for 10p worth of polyester stitched together in some sweatshop. Mugs.”