Beloved puppet Zippy has confirmed that outgoing Dundee United supremo Steven Thompson has approached him several times for a loan to bail out the ailing Tannadice side.
Thompson, who recently stood down as United chairman in a reshuffle of the board/deckchairs on the Titanic, has been pleading with well-off fans to keep club afloat during their longer-than-anticipated stint in the Fundesliga.
As such, Rainbow star Zippy was an obvious target given that United previously claimed him as a famous supporter in a move that would embarrass even the most celebrity-obsessed of teenagers or a Celtic fan.
Zippy, however, has firmly rebuffed Thompson’s advances in the latest in a series of escalating blows to the Tannadice men.
“All this shite about me being a United fan is a minter,” said Zippy. “Geoffrey, who I worked with on Rainbow, claimed he insisted I was orange because he went to see United when he lived in Dundee. Load of pish. I was orange before he even joined the show.
“I told Thompson all this but he just said, ‘my old man was actually a Motherwell supporter and the daft cunts all called him Mr Dundee United’.
“So then I pointed out that I don’t have any money ‘cos all my wedge went on coke-and-hooker binges with Bungle and he looked gutted. Then he said, ‘what about taking a game at centre-half then?’ I might take him up on that, actually. Even with Geoffrey’s hand up my arse I’ll still do a better job than Mark Durnan and Tam Scobbie.”