HULLTOON HERALD: Bomber places curse upon captain’s armband

Former Dundee boss John “Bomber” Brown has claimed to be an adopted member of the great Navajo Nation who has placed a curse upon the club’s captain’s armband as revenge for his sacking nearly four years ago.

Brown, a keen amateur genealogist who now goes by the name of Staunch Orange Bear, discovered an ancestral link to the Navajo shortly after being replaced in the Dens Park hotseat by Paul Hartley early in 2014.

Since then, Dundee skippers Kevin Thomson, James McPake and Darren O’Dea have suffered a persistent injuries, misfortune that Staunch Orange Bear says can be attributed to traditional witchcraft practised by his tribe.

“Upon discovering that my forbears did not come from Stirling via Govan and 17th century Holland, as I had previously thought, I travelled ‘home’ to Arizona,” he said.

“I was welcomed with open arms and invited to a sweat lodge. Initially I thought we would be drinking pints of heavy and singing Penny Arcade, but this was unlike any lodge I had ever been to before.

“After four days I saw the world in a different light and my elders were able to help me focus my energies on avenging the great injustice that had befallen Staunch Orange Bear.”

The alleged curse took almost immediate effect when a series of blows took Thomson to Tranent Juniors before his successor McPake suffered a horror knee injury.

Latterly O’Dea appears to have turned into a pumpkin.

A senior Navajo source questioned Staunch Orange Bear’s version of events, and said it was unlikely the captain’s armband was cursed.

“John came to visit us and he was very nice, if a little crazy,” the source said.

“He was calling himself a returning brave, asking who held the deeds to our reservation and saying there must be no surrender to the white man, which was ironic given that he is pale and ginger.

“We looked him up on YouTube and he was some player in his day. What a header v United in ‘84. He’s welcome back here any time”

Staunch Orange Bear stands behind the curse story, though he does not claim credit for all adversity suffered by Dundee captains since he left the club.

“Gary Harkins’ departure was down to Hartley’s arrogance, lack of respect and intransigence,” he added, “Or as we Navajo say, being a pure roaster.”

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