‘Burds that look a bit like Mark O’Hara’ is a surprise entry into the top 10 most popular search terms used by men looking to fire one off the wrist, according to industry-leading filthmongers Pornhub.
In a statement released yesterday, the global self-abuse facilitation giant confirmed that searches relating to O’Hara rocketed in the aftermath of the Dundee midfielder’s double against Rangers last Friday night.
“A clear pattern has emerged in Scotland, and the DD postcode area in particular, over the past week,” said Dave Wancesky, head of customer behaviour analytics at Pornhub. “From around 9.30pm on November 24 we started to see terms such as ‘tall, skinny chick with good engine gets it from Kirkton man’, ‘fair-haired, pink-faced box-to-box babe’ and ‘girl with short middle-shade sticks it to bears’ appear in our search engine.
“A couple of hours later, as more drink was consumed and more wives went to bed, we saw inhibitions loosen and men be more honest about what they were looking for. Specifically they wanted girls who looked as much like Mark O’Hara as possible. At least that’s what we think they wanted. Spelling mistakes are inevitable when typing one-handed.”
According to Wancesky, the second most noteworthy search trend of the weekend was ‘arabs fucked hedge’. “It took us a while to realise this had nothing to do with either the Middle East or topiary,” he added.