Dundee gaffer Neil McCann admits his squad are ‘down to the bone’ after the departure of Danny Williams reduced the first-team pool to 27, only half a dozen or so more than most sides in the league.
And McCann fears his depleted Dens Parkers may be forced to change for training in a single dressing room soon if numbers continue to be slashed at this rate.
“I inherited some amount of shite from Paul Hartley and I compounded this situation by signing a load more squad players,” said the Dark Blues boss. “The whole summer I was giving it ‘quality over quantity’ but really I wanted to bring enough players in that we could play 14-a-side in training. That’s fucked now Danny is away.
“Luckily the fundamentals are in place. I mean, what Scottish Premiership side battling against relegation doesn’t need 7 centre-halves and 7 central midfielders? A striker who can hit a cow’s arse with a banjo is a luxury a small squad like ours just can’t afford. I really worry about our ability to field a team if we pick up injuries or suspensions now.”
McCann was unable to expand on the circumstances which might lead to such a situation given he has 16 more players than the minimum required to contest a football match at his disposal but Professor Glen Dingies from the Institute of Futba Studies was happy to speculate on this matter.
“You’re talking about a natural disaster or a record-breaking multiple shooting probably,” said Professor Dingies. “Dundee have a bloated squad largely accumulated over two summer transfer windows tied up on long-term deals. If a Katrina-force hurricane hit the team bus tomorrow I am confident Neil McCann would still be able to fill his bench for Saturday’s game against Kilmarnock.”
“It is imperative we are better protected against swine flu than our rivals,” added McCann. “If that fucker ever gets as bad as they thought it would be then watch us climb the league.”